Reminiscing

Recommended song for reading: Get Misunderstood by Troublemakers

I want to share a deeply personal story with you.  

I don’t think I’ve ever truly fallen in love, but I was in a long, five-year relationship with someone I had incredible respect and compassion for. He held a special place in my heart because we essentially grew up together. We met when I was fourteen, at a summer camp in Munich. Years later, in 2017, I visited him as a friend. I still vividly remember our first kiss—how thrilling it was to be with him. That moment marked the beginning of a relationship that lasted five years, a duration that feels almost impossible to imagine now.  

During those years, we went through so much together, shaping each other’s lives in profound ways. I helped him choose his university major, and he introduced me to Rome, a city where I now spend half my time. We supported each other through the highs and lows, including some of our darkest moments. He was the person I knew best, and I was the same for him. But, as with all things, our story came to an end. We went our separate ways, maintaining contact but never revisiting the intimacy we once shared. Despite this, we both cherished the time we had together and the unique roles we played in each other’s lives.  

Now that I’m in Rome, every street and corner brings back memories of the times we shared as I was growing up. He remains a testament to my adolescence and the person I’ve become. When he told me he was coming to Rome, we decided to meet and discuss how tables have turned: now, I’m the local, and he’s the tourist. He picked me up on a Vespa, and we went to the same aperitivo spot we frequented during those five years. The moment I saw him waiting for me, nostalgia hit me like a wave. As we rode through the city, I couldn’t help but recall the first time he convinced me to ride a motorcycle. I was terrified, screaming the whole time into his ear. This time, though, I felt calm and trusted him completely, knowing I was safe in his presence.  

When we arrived at the restaurant, I was struck by how unchanged it was. The menu, the waiters, even the music—they were all the same, as if frozen in time. It felt surreal since my last visit had been three years ago. While we had stayed in touch, our conversations had been irregular, and I didn’t really know what was happening in his life. I hoped that sitting together would feel just like old times, like the restaurant—unchanged and familiar.  

But the person sitting across from me was almost a stranger. I couldn’t recognize him. Time had changed both of us, but the transformation in him was startling. I don’t mean this in a negative way, but the person I once knew so intimately seemed gone. It felt as though the memories we shared belonged to someone else, as if the protagonist of my stories had vanished. Overwhelmed by this realization, I couldn’t hold back my tears. Nostalgia overwhelmed me, leaving me helpless against the grief of losing the version of him I had cherished. For the first time, I felt the weight of that loss—not when we broke up, but now, seeing how much had changed.  

I wanted to shake him and demand, “Where is the person I grew up with?” It was naïve of me to think he would stay the same, but the realization hit me all at once, like a surge of overwhelming emotion. Yet, those tears weren’t of “sadness”—they were also a release, an acknowledgment of the past and the joy we once shared, because those memories still evoked a happiness in us- the fact that we were not together and that he has changed so much did not take the happiness away because the happiness in those memories were shared moments of joy and that happiness cannot be taken away by another because it is not given by the other.

Despite the strange feelings of loss, I felt a deep sense of gratitude. We took this time to reminisce about our shared past and discuss our separate futures as individuals. While his interests and lifestyle had shifted, I realized that the core values we built together remained. That’s why, as I said goodbye to him, the words “Ti voglio bene” slipped out naturally. It was in that moment I understood how fortunate I am to have shared my life with someone I’ll always hold dear, even if what we had is now a beautiful chapter that can never be rewritten, nor is wanted to be recreated.